Handmaids of Mercy

Dancing with Daddy

Today I'm feeling conflicted. We just got back on Sunday evening from a wonderful, joyful family wedding where children were invited! My children had so much fun dancing with cousins their own age and cousins in their twenties and thirties, Aunts and Uncles and Great-Aunts and Great-Uncles, Grandparents and family friends. It truly was a generational family affair enjoyed by all, especially my children's Great-Grandma Latusek, who taught them all some dance moves and danced nearly every dance. These are the memories I live for and I know my children will cherish forever. I feel so grateful that my husband's Aunt and Uncle not only allowed my children to attend the wedding, but wanted them there. I'm sure our family of eight added significantly to the guest list, the noise level and the budget, but in spite of all those inconveniences, our brood was invited and welcomed with open arms.

As I watched the bride dancing with her own Dad, I was flooded with the memories of my own wedding. I thought how happy Daddy was and what a sacrifice he made financially and physically to be there for me. He had had emergency gall bladder surgery the week before my wedding, but he was determined to be there to dance with his little girl. And little did I know that I would only have him with me for four more short years. As I watched Megan and her Dad and the smiles on their faces, I quietly prayed for many more years together for them and that he would one day dance with his own grandchildren. I felt the glow on her Mom's face from across the room as she gazed at her beautiful daughter. The glow was especially heartwarming because Megan's Mom is a cancer survivor.

My thoughts carefully turned to another family fighting cancer. Our family friend Cathy was told the day before we left for Pittsburgh that the doctors could do no more to help her husband, dying from brain cancer. I wondered how much time he would be given and my mind drifted to his five children, two daughters in their early twenties, two sons aged nine and thirteen and then to his daughter aged fifteen, a good friend of my son John. My heart sunk, I grieved for Patricia silently at the reception table as my eyes took in the beauty of a bride dancing with her Daddy. This magnificent gift will not be one Patricia will receive, and as I reflected on the power of that gift, I felt ashamed for not having appreciated the value of it before now. I desperately want this gift for my own daughters and I'm sure Cathy has hoped for the same for their daughters.

We left to come home on Sunday and spent a good bit of time talking about all the fun we had at the wedding. As we were heading down the Pennsylvania Turnpike, we got the news that Keith had passed away. The circle of life...weddings and funerals. Immediately, the car quieted, a hush fell over even the little ones and our joy turned to sorrow for their family. I couldn't stop thinking about Cathy, she had been so hopeful for the last year as Keith experienced a brief remission before the cancer invaded his brain. Even after the bad news, she remained hopeful and so very strong. Then, my thoughts turned to the children that would grow up without their Dad present at the milestones of their lives.

I think as a whole, our society takes so much for granted, often becoming entitled. We so often get entangled in the small stuff...planning "perfect" child-free weddings or complaining about out of town accommodations or the menu to which we are guests. We sometimes pick away at the efforts of others totally ignoring the generosity shown towards us because the effort did not meet our standards in some way, or is somehow not enough. I've attended a lot of weddings and a lot of funerals and I've heard a lot of complaints about the way the "family" handled anything from food to the service. I just want to stand up on the banquet table and scream at the top of my lungs, "Don't you see the gifts before you???? OPEN your eyes and your hearts!!! Have mercy on these poor folk for goodness sake!!!"

We sometimes become so entangled in our own narcissistic ways that we can not see God's gifts before us. The gift of a Mother and Father enjoying their child's wedding in spite of the challenge of cancer. The gift of a few more months, a few more weeks, a few more days, a few more minutes to say to someone... " I love you. You are so special to me. I appreciate you for who you are with all your quirks and idiosyncrasies... not for who I think you should be. Sometimes you let me down, sometimes I let you down, and sometimes we disagree, but nothing will destroy the love I have for you. I thank God for putting you in my life even with all the little annoyances and inconveniences that come our way. Even the beautiful. fragrant rose was not spared the thorns. Dear Lord, have mercy on us and help us see the tiny gifts that you give us every day we are privileged to once again open our eyes to the light. Help us to free ourselves from the small unimportant inconveniences and annoyances that keep us from seeing clearly the gifts you set before us. Please help change our hearts so that we may all one day dance with you in heaven.

Mercy is Medicine for the Soul

My children are sick. Three doctor visits within two days. Five of my six kids have strep and four of those five also have a strep related skin infection invading mosquito bites, small cuts and eczema hot spots. My refrigerator is filled with bottles of pink medicine. Normally, the boys would bawk at pink medicine, but for some reason the pink amoxicillin is being taken without any rebellion. I think it is because the taste is no where near as bad as the augmentin most of them had the last time we had a household epidemic. I also think they are all tired of sore throats and itchy spots.

We are so blessed. Our Pediatrician, Our Pediatric Nurse Practitioner and my OB/Gyn are all active members of our parish. I'm certain that the faith of each one of these people makes all the difference in the exceptional care our family has received. They are patient, even in the event of the tantruming toddler, nursing baby or the sleep-deprived frazzled Mom. They are kind, they speak with a gentle, reassuring tone to not only the interupting or agitated child but also to the anxious parent. They are not rushed, but rather relaxed. They take the time to not only answer questions, but the time to offer and discuss the recent research pertinent to the diagnosis. A sense of peaceful serenity envelopes each one of them. They each have been gifted by God with what seems to be the perfect demeaner for their vocation. They are trustworthy, full of compassion and mercy. According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the third definition of mercy is "compassionate treatment of those in distress".

Distress is pain or suffering affecting the body, a bodily part or the mind. That explains very well the current state of our sleep-deprived family of itchers, scratchers and hoarse-voiced complainers. There are times we've been in distress with something a bit more urgent, like a bad asthma attack or an unexpected sudden miscarriage. Yet, the compassionate care we have received has never seemed compromised. It makes you wonder if these people ever have a bad day, I'm sure they do, but God has given them the grace to conceal it from their patients. I'm sure that their grace-filled vocations will continue to be blessed and that they will continue to bless others with the life-changing gift of mercy.

These wonderful people certainly inspire me to be a kindler, gentler, more compassionate and merciful mother as my children begin to recuperate. God is so good, He allows us to find Him even in times of distress. When we can't seem to remember He is with us always and everywhere, He reveals His mercy through the encouraging smile and gentle demeanor of another. Mercy is medicine for the soul.

Marriage and Mercy

"Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, 'My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance' " (Tb 8:4).

Do you know the story of Tobiah (the son of Tobit) and Sarah (the daughter of Raguel)? If not look it up, it will amaze you...here's the place to look: Tobit 6:10-11; 7:1, 9-17: 8:4-9. The entire book of Tobit, in fact, is an amazing story.

The Sarah in the book of Tobit was stricken with a terrible affliction. She had been given in marriage seven times by her father to seven different men, but each wedding night, as the husband would approach the wedding bed, he would be struck dead by a demon. So, when Tobiah approached Raguel, asking for Sarah's hand, Raguel agreed but frankly told him Sarah's history with husbands. Raguel also prayed for mercy on Tobiah that he would survive the night, although he seemed to be lacking in the area of trust....as he had a grave dug for Tobiah after agreeing to the marriage! Mercy and Trust seem to always go hand in hand.

Tobiah had been taught by his father, Tobit, a devout Jew, to place his trust in God and to offer God praise and thanksgiving above all other things. Because of their great faith, the angel Raphael came to them and took Tobiah to meet Sarah. Raphael told Tobiah, "... do not be afraid, for she was set apart for you before the world existed. You will save her, and she will go with you." Tobit 3:18  The fact that she was set apart for him before the world existed says so very much about the sacrament of marriage. Isn't it amazing that for each of us that are called to the vocation of marriage, that there is one special person, one soul-mate God has assigned to us before the world existed? But yet, so many struggle to find the right person.

The Archangel Raphael also gave Tobiah instructions to pray before consummating the marriage. So, instead of rushing to the bridal bed where his bride is waiting (scripture says that Sarah was very beautiful), he instead asks her to join him in prayer, praying, "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever. Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever. You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.' Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age. They said together, "Amen, amen," and went to bed for the night." Tobit 8:5-9. The Lord, in His great mercy delivered them both from the grasp of the demon.

So, the difference seems to be prayer and knowing God for who He is, our Merciful Father. How many people struggle on a daily basis, making one bad choice after another for all the wrong reasons. Much like Raguel's choice of husbands the first seven times, were his choices based on wealth, status or looks? It just makes me wonder if he would have consulted God instead of relying on his own understanding if he could have spared not only his daughter of great suffering, but also the lives of the seven husbands, as none of them were the one chosen for Sarah by God.

Wow, this idea has great implications for us as parents. How are we preparing our children to look for a future spouse? Are we encouraging them from very early on to pray for their future vocation, be it marriage, the single life, the religious life or the priesthood? Do we encourage them to pray for their future spouse, now, if it is God's will that they will one day be married? Are we teaching them about living a chaste life in any of those vocations? By chaste, I mean pure in thought and act, which differs from abstinence and therefore applies to all vocations. Have we even given it any thought at all?

I believe that it is never too early to begin teaching chastity, appropriate of course to the child's age and ability to understand, and without question guided by prayer. Of course by encouraging an active prayer life and teaching chastity, we swim against the tide. Society's "If it feels good do it" philosophy, and encourgement to "try before you buy" mentality on dating will be a challenge to all. Our children must know what is of value when looking at a future spouse's attributes. Society will tell them that it is status, wealth and looks. We must teach them to place our trust in God, and know that His plan is the only plan that matters. Otherwise, we may end up in a sorrowful situation where the demons of this world keep our children from fulfilling God's plan for their lives. There are already so many in this world being tossed and turned by the tides, seeking happiness in everything they can think of, but never seem to turn themselves to the face of God.

In the words of Tobit, "When you turn back to him with all your heart, to do what is right before him, Then he will turn back to you, and no longer hide his face from you. So now consider what he has done for you, and praise him with full voice." After returning from their wedding, Tobiah healed his blind father's eyes wilth a salve given to him by the Archangel Raphael. God's mercy extended not only to Sarah in her grief, but also to Tobiah in continuing his lineage and to Tobit in his blindness. What a great example for all that are sorrowful and hope to be relieved from their suffering. It is never too late or too early to place our trust in God or to receive His Divine Mercy.

Mercy and the Communion of the Saints

What is the Communion of Saints?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

1475 In the communion of saints, "a perennial link of charity exists between the faithful who have already reached their heavenly home, those who are expiating their sins in purgatory and those who are still pilgrims on earth. Between them there is, too, an abundant exchange of all good things." In this wonderful exchange, the holiness of one profits others, well beyond the harm that the sin of one could cause others.

This gives me great hope. Hope that we don't just exist in a moment of time, but rather in a continuum, connected to those that went before and to those that are yet to be. Hope that those whom I believe to be in heaven can intercede on my behalf, and my prayers and sacrifices can also be offered for the souls in purgatory. I need this hope, I need this intercession, I need to feel that I am not eternally separated from those I have loved that have left this world. I need the hope that all of us that love Christ are forever brothers and sisters in Christ. We are siblings related by faith rather than blood.

The Catechism refers to "an abundant exchange of all good things". I believe that I was the recipient of this wonderful exchange recently when I attended my very first D.C. United Soccer game. Come on Mary, what could a soccer game possibly have to do with the communion of saints? I wasn't supposed to attend the game, but instead stay behind with the little ones, while my three oldest children attended the game with their Dad and Grandpap. But, when my daughter's coach gave me the tickets he said, "Oh, by the way, there is one extra ticket in there. We had to buy by the row and there was one extra seat, you don't have to pay for it, its taken care of." I thanked him for his generosity. Thankfully, John's Mom agreed to watch the little ones for me so that I could attend. No, small task as my little guy Jack is quite the handful!

So, there I was at the game. We got the kids settled in with Grandpap and John and I headed off to get refreshments. John decided to stop by the restroom and I waited for him outside the door. I was looking around at all the excitement of the vendors when someone came up from behind and spun me around and hugged me. I was truly caught off guard. It took me a few minutes to focus in on his face. I finally realized who it was, and I joyfully exclaimed "David!" I told David, "I'm so glad to see you, I've been thinking about you so much lately.I can't believe you are here."We embraced in a big hug just as John was coming out of the bathroom. All he saw was me being hugged by a man, and rushed over to make sure I was o.k.!  We all had a good chuckle and David rushed off to get his son and the rest of his soccer team back to their seats before the game started, but he had time to tell me where they were sitting.

David, I had not seen him in seven years, although we've stayed in touch through Christmas cards. It was truly remarkable that we were both at the game where there were thousands of spectators and yet we connected. What are the chances? David, and I met in Junior High, we  saw each other practically every day after that until we graduated from High School. We, along with our friend Wayne, were dubbed the Triple Alliance, by our World History teacher. We had many of the same interests, were in the same classes and were all members of the Drama Club and Chorus. Although we each dated other people, the three of us all continued to do things together throughout the years. We stayed in touch, though at different colleges and David and Wayne were both in my wedding. We were like siblings, we went through thick and thin together, disagreed and argued, but nothing would seperate us from each other, or so we thought.

1994 was a particularly unsettling year for me, full of tragic surprises. Whenever I think of it, I'm overcome with a sense of sorrow. I lost my Dad to a massive stroke at the age of 47. I lost both my college suitemate and one of my favorite college professors to sudden unknown heart ailments. A family friend that lived alone with her three-year-old son, was found bludgeoned to death in her home, thankfully her son was spared, but witnessed the murder. And... I lost Wayne. His death was unexpected and tragic. Evil seemed to lurk around every corner.I begged God to have mercy on me from all this pain and suffering. I had never experienced so much death in such a short time. It seemed so unfair.Where was God's mercy on the innocent ones, living good lives?

Wayne was abducted and shot to death at the age of 25, by two criminals (age 16 and 45) who had robbed a local eatery and wanted Wayne's car to escape. They abducted Wayne and his pregnant sister at gunpoint. They forced them to rob several convenience stores and threatened to kill them both if they did not do what they were told. Wayne and his sister, Leslie went through a terrible ordeal that night, the eve of his mother's birthday of all days.

Wayne was a wonderful guy. We had an instant bond when we met. We both were children of divorce and spent many hours talking about our common feelings on the subject. When I think of him I see his sparkling eyes through his glasses, his tossled hair and his impish grin. He loved a good joke and very often had David and I laughing hysterically. When I decided to get a curly perm which added layers of volume to my hair, he affectionately nicknamed me "The Cabbage Patch Kidd" (My maiden name was Kidd) He was an amazing guy, he loved people, he loved writing and journalism and music. I loved him like a brother and I know he loved me like a sister. We spent hours upon hours on the phone talking about hopes and dreams and the future. He loved to write, and once wrote a soap opera spoof with all of our friends and a few teachers included! It was entitled, "As the Stomach Churns". He wanted more than anything to be a newsanchor/journalist or writer. He enthusiastically enjoyed the dramas and detective shows with surprise endings.

Little did Wayne know that ironically, the end to his life would read very much like a script to one of his favorite shows. But, there was a remarkable difference, the choice he made that night was more amazing and courageous than imitating any t.v. actor. Instead, Wayne chose to imitate Christ. Wayne saw an opportunity to take on his younger captor when they had stopped for gas. Wayne told his sister to run inside the convenience store while he fought their captor. Wayne was unarmed but his assailant was not. He was armed with a gun that he had stolen from a pawn shop and he used that gun to shoot Wayne three times in the back. Wayne made it into the convenience store and collapsed. The convenience store clerk and Leslie cradled Wayne in their arms and prayed together the Lord's Prayer. By the time the paramedics arrived, Wayne had died. Leslie and her unborn child survived the terrible ordeal because of Wayne's heroic decision. "No greater love hath a man than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13

Yes, Wayne laid down his life for his sister and unborn child. But, he also laid down his life for all of us in imitation of Christ, he made the ultimate sacrifice, his own life. I believe with my whole heart that Wayne is now enjoying his eternal reward and that he is now a great intercessor for me and for David and our families. Wayne's birthday was May 7th. This year, he would have been 39 years old. I was unable to stop thinking about the threshold he would have been at this year for the entire month of May. I thought so much about how I wished he were here, my kids would have loved "Uncle Wayne". Admitedly, I cried on his birthday, wishing that I could see him again as a 39 year old man with a family of his own. I think he heard my prayers and interceded on my behalf at that soccer game, by the grace of our loving and merciful Lord Jesus Christ. It was not by chance that I was given the extra ticket or that David found me at that game, not even knowing that I would be there. After reflecting on how this all came about, I believe in my heart that there was divine intervention involved. It seems to me that it was an abundant exchange of good sent to me from heaven by my dear brother in Christ, Wayne. I've begged for mercy from God since Wayne's untimely death. I expected mercy and peace to be heaped out in a big bucket I suppose. Now, I know His mercy was handed out in proportions according to His will. Little by little throughout the years, the tragedies in my life have been vehicles for me to reach new personal spiritual depths, Wayne's death is no different. I haven't been able to write about this tragedy until now. The pain and grief I felt about the evil done to Wayne and his family has been difficult to work through. Now I feel Wayne's intercession has released me from my suffering and allowed me to know that he is truly in a better place, happier than he could have ever been with the things of this world. As the catechism states, "In this wonderful exchange, the holiness of one profits others, well beyond the harm that the sin of one could cause others." I believe through Wayne's love of writing, he is commissioning me to share his story to offer hope to others. The hope that good will prevail over evil. The hope that can only come from trusting in the Lord's plan for us. The gift of Wayne's story of sacrifice will bless generations to come.