Mercy, not sacrifice?

Mercy is what pleases me, not sacrifice.

This past Sunday, the Gospel reading focused on Jesus eating dinner with the tax collector Matthew, some of his co-workers and sinners. (Matthew 9:10-13, NJB). ¹⁰ Now while he was at table in the house it happened that a number of tax collectors and sinners came to sit at the table with Jesus and his disciples. ¹¹ When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, 'Why does your master eat with tax collectors and sinners?' ¹² When he heard this he replied, 'It is not the healthy who need the doctor, but the sick. ¹³ Go and learn the meaning of the words: Mercy is what pleases me, not sacrifice. And indeed I came to call not the upright, but sinners." Really? I'm sure that I've heard or read these words before, I must have, but I couldn't recall doing either. I sat there in the pew going over them in my head. Does Jesus really desire mercy and not sacrifice?

I started reflecting on the word sacrifice and "offer it up" immediately popped into my head. I think the first time I ever heard that phrase was from the lips of Mother Angelica, founder of EWTN as she said that people had forgotten the value of offering up our sufferings to God. Those three words had a terrific impact on my attitude towards suffering and personal sacrifice because I finally could see some value in suffering other than sacrifice simply teaching us values for our own benefit. Surprisingly though, the words left me a bit anxious. It is not that I don't agree with the sentiment, I do, I think it is a beautiful thing to unite our sufferings to the cross by offering them back to God as a small sacrifice for the sanctification of someone else. My anxiousness comes from feeling unworthy of the mission to do so. 

The purpose of sacrifice.

You see, I tend to be a self-absorbed and selfish sufferer. For as long as I can remember, I've weathered the storms of pain, suffering and sacrifice internally, and as I internalized this pain, I've done major damage to my self and my family, as sooner or later, the pain turns into anger. Then the anger remains reserved simmering on a back burner, only to be unleashed like a bubbling, boiling cauldron of doom on my husband and children. It is extremely rare for me to let even one warm bubble escape from the pot of anquish before a friend, aquaintance or stranger. No, it is those closest to me that are always the ones to undeservedly pay the price for my suffering. I've heard anger described as fear turned inward, and I believe it to be true. It is embarassing to admit, but at times I have been overcome with the fear that God might not love me. What if he didn't love me because I fail him so often? What if all of this suffering was "just" and deserved punishment for my failings or my lack of trust? My head knows otherwise, but sometimes I struggle with my heart getting the message.

Father Raniero Cantalamessa, OFM Cap, known as the Pope's Preacher, recently commented on this past Sunday's gospel. He says, " The love that is spoken of is not that which God expects from man, but the love God has for man. 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice' means: I want to be merciful, not to condemn. Its biblical equivalent is found in Ezekiel: "I do not want the death of the sinner, but that he convert and live." God does not want to "sacrifice" his creature but to save him."  To me, this gives a fresh insight into this scripture passage and reinforces God's never-ending love for us in spite of ourselves, even when we doubt the enormity of His love. So, it seems to me that our sufferings/sacrifices are an avenue to bring us closer to God, to lean not on our own understanding but instead to be nudged to the point of wearily climbing into the lap of our loving Father where all mercy derives.

Getting mercy and sacrifice right.

There have been times, out of frustration with one of my own "spirited" (um, melodramatic) children that I curtly said to them, "OH, Get over it already, JUST OFFER IT UP!" The phrase is delivered like an arrow into the poor child's heart, lacking compassion and sensitivity. I'm sure my piercing words inspire them to be saintly in their offering it up! My disdain and rebuke are totally lacking in love and more importantly, mercy. I hope to grow in my approach to sacrifice by learning to accept the difference between suffering through sacrifice and willingly, and joyfully accepting it as a means to sanctification.

Father Cantalamessa puts it this way, "God does not want sacrifice 'at all costs', as if he took pleasure in seeing us suffer; nor does he want sacrifices that are aimed at placing our rights and merits before him, or that result from a misunderstanding of duty. He wants rather the sacrifice that is required by his love and by the observance of the commandments....Sacrifice and mercy are both good things but they can become bad if misapplied. They are good things if--as Christ did--we choose sacrifice for ourselves and mercy for others; they can become bad things if on the contrary we choose mercy for ourselves and sacrifice for others, that is, if we are indulgent with ourselves and rigorous with others, ready to excuse ourselves and quick to judge others."

The Mercy-Sacrifice Grapevine

WOW! What a challenge Father Cantalamessa gives us. One of my greatest struggles in dealing with my husband, children and others is to be quick to judge their own suffering or sacrifices. (The let me tell YOU a thing or two about suffering attitude.) I can hear myself now..."It can't be that bad. I wish you would just stop whining about it! You're not the only one making sacrifices around here!" Yet, when it comes to my own suffering or sacrifice, I indulge in self-pity and want the world to commisserate with me! I look for compassion and empathy from others and when I don't get it, I fall right back into the trap of self-pity and feeling unloved.  So, if I do this to myself, what am I doing to my children and husband when I lack mercy towards them?

Jesus said, "Mercy is what please me". It pleases Him because in order to be merciful we must stop being self-absorbed. We must put someone else's needs above our own. St. Therese the Little Flower, a favorite saint of our family, once said that she prayed that she might be a sweet grape to satisfy, if only ever so slightly, the thirst of Christ. Christ thirsts for us. He wants us to be with Him for all eternity. He wants us to be Christ-like in the mercy we show others. It is up to us to decide if our sacrifice is to be one of sour grapes or the sweet grapes of mercy.

Mary Kidd Flemming blogs for The Handmaids of Mercy , The Splendor of Truth and The Compass Rose (Parenting and Family Life Issues). You may also enjoy her husband's website: Crossroads Family Center

Comments

[null]

I never knew how important my friends and family were to me, until I became isolated from them for months with no definite end in sight. Those months were very dark, and painful, but I am learning to be vulnerable around people and to let my true self shine through. It's a process, but I only have one life to live. I can't let me fears hold me back any longer. I wish you the best, as you take steps to improve yourself as well :)

[Mary]

Yes, Null....just like the soap opera's title....we certainly "Only Have One Life to Live"....here on earth and for all eternity!

The important thing to remember is that all our actions here on earth either move us closer to our final destination or further from it. We either become more like Christ or less like him in our decision making and in our actions.

Sometimes separation from friends or family is necessary, ordained or even merited by circumstances or actions which are detrimental to our well-being. When separated we can not allow hatred, resentment and revenge to control our hearts, but we have to instead ask God to fill our hearts with love, compassion and mercy and pray for those we are separated from whether they are alive or dead AND whether or not their treatment of us has been loving or hateful.

It reminds me of the story of the rich man and poor man in the book of Luke (16:19-31) which happened to be my scripture meditation today. Certain behaviors of each party led to their eternal destination.

We either respond to situations with fear or love....fear prevents us from acting or reacting with love and love prevents us from acting or reacting in fear. We must never forget GRACE when we are fearful, GRACE always leads to love. It is my hope that "All My Children"...sorry, I couldn't help adding in one more soap opera... will learn that we are NOT in a soap opera or a game but that each and every action or reaction is an opportunity to move closer or farther from God.

The beautiful and enduring message is that Jesus will greet us with love, mercy and compassion when we have to answer for our lives if we are repentant of our sins and seek reparation for our offenses to those we have sinned against.